apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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