It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
