I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I smell stomach acid.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
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Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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