Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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