You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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