no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
