CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
