I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
