you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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