so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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