Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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