Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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