Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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