this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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