So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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