We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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