I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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