a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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