I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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