just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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