rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
