my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
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I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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