He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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