I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
