If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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