Redeem this text for a blowjob
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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