Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
two words: eviction party
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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