she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
