We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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