this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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