You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
