bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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