I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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