The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
As shirtless as possible
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
