My brain says no but my pants say off.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
