Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I wear drunk well.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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