Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
