Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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