I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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