I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
