you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
