I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
