Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
