69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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