you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
