I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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