I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
