wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
