is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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