oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
