4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
