My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
