SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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