She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
