There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
