hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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