you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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