i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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