Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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