a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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