So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
