The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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