4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So drunk its hurt
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
